Ok. Been to counsellor today over state of relationship.
things have been hard.

Happy to say, she thinks remarkably, considering childhood, parents, relationship over 21 years, the betrayal and the mistrust, I am remarkably normal.
Thank god!
Now, I have a day off work, so today, am dancing (badly) round living room-singing like a banshee-having some quiet fun by myself, and enjoying the space!

like being on my own-even if its just for couple of hours!