Thursday, 16 July 2009

Moving on?

Is this the first step.
I have a friend who thinks Im close to thoughts of suicide.
Im not.
I love my children far too much for even contemplating leaving them.
Overall, Im close to tears frequently, and trying to sort out thoughts in my head, process, analyse, work on.
We went out for a date last night. I didnt say too much, I wanted him to talk. he did, but yawned a lot too. I forget how ill he's been. He does get tired.
His words conflict with what has been said sometimes too. We talked about food, kids, decorating, counsellors and feelings.
But not about what had been done, or lied about. Thats coming.
But not yet.
I have two nights of clear home-he's away for family wedding tonight. Im not going, as his family believe that even he has had the all clear, I shouldnt have got upset with him over these emails to other women, or the love letter to his spanish woman.
I believe I should. And I defy anyone who caught their husband spouting he loved another woman and wanted to get to her, away from his home, and has been wishing it for 8 years, to not get upset/angry. and to still remain here.
If I had the money and freedom, would I remain here. Possibly not. Do I love him, yes I do.
Not as much love and respect there now tho. mmm.

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